One of the most important times in my life was when I got married in 1997. I had waited so long! It was like a dream come true. It was therefore very disappointing when, five years later, and with two children, it ended in divorce.
For a year or two I suffered the emotional abuse in silence. I prayed and hoped that things would change; instead they got worse. I lost my confidence and self-esteem. For years I could not look at myself in the mirror as my ex used to say I was ugly and he had had more beautiful women in his life than me.
One night, as I went to sleep, I had the most amazing dream! I was a bird trapped in a cage and all of a sudden, i could see a hand opening the door of the cage and a voice said said “You are free! Fly away.” Some how I could see myself changed into an eagle and I was flying high up in the blue skies with a golden box on my beak with the words written on it – Gift of confidence. The voice kept saying “Keep on flying. Go as high as you can. You are free.”
When I woke, I started to cry as I was very overwhelmed. I then decided to file for divorce. It was not an easy time for me as, in that same month, I was made redundant from my job, my house was going to be repossessed, I had a huge amount of debts, my ex was harassing me, and I had two toddlers to look after and my confidence, self esteem and self worth where at an all time low. I was jut functioning on auto pilot and suffered in silence as I was too ashamed to ask for help.
A NEW STORY
When I sit back now, I wonder how I managed to get through without breaking down. There have been times when I felt like giving up; when I felt there was no light at the end of the tunnel. You wake up one day and feel all right, yet the next day you feel as if the world is going to cave in. You project this image to the outside world that all is well, but when you are in your own house behind closed doors, you feel very miserable.
Looking back, I realise that things have happened in my life for a reason. I know I kept going because of my strong faith, support from my family and friends, and because I chose to use my experience to help others by training to become a life coach. I focussed on the positive things I had going for me and worked hard on developing my self esteem and confidence.
I could go on now and recall every bad thing that happened to me in detail. But I choose not to, as I believe there is no point in reliving the old story. It is time for me to tell a new story, which is full of inspiration and a hope for a better future.
Today I feel a different person than I was then. I have been able to accomplish so much. I work full time from home, I have a part time business, I have set up a support group for lone parents and a charity called confident children.
I have been able to share my experiences and help others by being on TV and Radio.
I have a new strength and motivation, and have been able to reach goals in my life that previously I would have thought impossible.
My main goal now in life is to be an inspiration to others. I believe that everyone is unique and special. We all have special gifts and abilities, which if developed will help us to maximise our potential and be the best we can.
I have replaced my Crown of Sorrows for my Crown of Smiles and have written this practical self help book which has some of the practical things I did to help me regain my smile. I hope it will help you too.
Confident Queen Genny 