Before Christmas, having 3 members of my family passed away and one of them being my mum, has been so devasting and heart breaking for my family and I. I have never experienced such deep sorrow in my life. Being a happiness spreader it has been challenging as it seems that some people wanted me to carry on being happy and one person even suggested I take a dose of my own happy advise and though this upset me, I decided to brush it aside and find ways to cope with my grieving. I am in a much better place now, but still have moments of sadness when I think of my mum. This blog is to help me and you if you too are grieving.
Grieving is a natural and necessary process that follows the loss of someone or something important to us. It’s normal to experience a range of emotions during this time, including sadness, anger, and even numbness.
The stages of grief were first described by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying”. The model describes five stages of grief that a person may experience after a significant loss. It’s important to note that not everyone will experience these stages, and they may not occur in a linear or predictable order. The stages of grief are:
- Denial: In this stage, a person may feel disbelief or denial that the loss has occurred. They may struggle to accept the reality of the situation.
- Anger: As the reality of the loss sets in, a person may feel anger or frustration. They may direct this anger towards themselves, others, or even the person or situation that caused the loss.
- Bargaining: In this stage, a person may try to negotiate with a higher power or try to find a way to undo the loss. They may engage in “what if” thinking and feel a sense of guilt or regret.
- Depression: As the initial shock of the loss wears off, a person may feel overwhelming sadness or hopelessness. They may experience a loss of energy, appetite, or interest in activities they used to enjoy.
- Acceptance: In this stage, a person begins to come to terms with the reality of the loss. They may feel a sense of peace or closure and begin to find ways to move forward in their life.
It’s important to remember that these stages are not a linear or predictable process, and not everyone will experience all five stages. Grief is a highly individual experience, and people may move in and out of these stages at their own pace. It’s also normal to experience a range of emotions during the grieving process, including sadness, anger, guilt, and even moments of happiness or peace.
It is still possible to experience moments of happiness even while grieving. Here are a few suggestions for finding happiness during this difficult time:-
Practice self-care: Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health by eating well, getting enough sleep, and engaging in activities that you enjoy. This can help to boost your mood and provide a sense of comfort during the grieving process.
Allow yourself to feel your emotions: It’s important to acknowledge and accept your feelings during the grieving process, whether they are positive or negative. By allowing yourself to feel your emotions, you may be able to process them more effectively and find moments of happiness along the way.
Connect with others: Reach out to family and friends who can offer support and comfort. Even if you don’t feel like talking about your loss, spending time with loved ones can provide a sense of connection and joy. For me going away on holiday to Ghana with friends, really helped to take my mind off things and connect with new people. This photo below is of me supporting some local street traders. I felt so much love and joy as we chatted and laughed togther.
Find meaning and purpose: Consider volunteering or participating in activities that give you a sense of purpose. This can help to provide a sense of fulfillment and joy, even in the midst of grief. I do love dressing up as Confident Queen and going to events and spread laughter doing fun activities or getting people to just dance to the beat of the muisc.
Practice gratitude: Take time to reflect on the positive aspects of your life and express gratitude for them. This can help to shift your focus from the pain of loss to the joys and blessings that remain. I am grateful that my mum reached he age of 84 and enoyed her life with us her children and grand children. I am grateful that though her death was sudden, she did not suffer , and died peacefully.
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Try doing the One Minute Smilence to help recall happy thoughts or happy moments with your loved one. This will help lift your mood. You can also have a playlist of uplifting music that you can sing and dance to.
Remember that grief is a personal and individual experience, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Be patient and kind with yourself as you navigate this process, and know that it is possible to find moments of happiness even during the most difficult times.. Time is the great healer. While things will very likely never be the same, things will be different and this in itself can bring its own sense of happiness
If you do any help or just a chat contact me genny@confidentqueen.co.uk You can also use google to check for the many organisations who offer support and advise as we go through the grieving process.
Confident Queen Genny 