Introducing Confident Queen Genny

Welcome back

Thank you so much for joining in our Sadness Diet and the journey to happier times.   In everyday life, we realise that there is a time for every purpose under heaven, their will be times when we feel sad and times when we feel happy. Yesterday we used the resources from ( http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2014/03/05/grateful-when-times-are-tough/) and we focused on how to be grateful even when we feel sad.

Why we regret things at times

One of the biggest cause of sadness for a lot of us is “regret” when things are not going according to plan, and we have too much time to think, we can sometime fall into depression and sadness as we start focussing of regret using “If only”

Regret happens when you don’t forgive yourself. When your mistake feels final, like going too fast on a motorway, it is too easy to feel regret. However, forgiveness is a powerful catalyst, and is one of the most loving actions you can take for yourself. While regret holds you back in the past, forgiveness helps you to move forward.

Tell yourself, “That was part of who I was then. I didn’t know any better or I would have made a different choice. That mistake helped me to grow into who I am today. I forgive myself and resolve to move forward.” Believe what you tell yourself.

The day I was feeling so sad

A while back ago, I was feeling a bit sad and this was triggered by the fact that I had problems with my sink, and I needed to get a plumber out but right at that point I did not have the money to get a plumber in, and at the same time my son could not go to a particular event he had been invited to as their was no one to take him and I had to give up my car two years ago whilst I sorted my temporary financial set back.

But this day, as I sat down at home on my own, I really felt sad, and started to focus on the fact that I did not have regular contract, I wished I had not got myself in so much debt, I regretted the fact that my life was not going how I had expected it – get married, have children, enjoy wonderful family live, retire early and travel round the world! I really felt so sad and started to cry, but in the midst of it all, a friend of mine called and was a bit upset and I spent time talking to her and cheering her up. After speaking to her, I forgot I was sad, and just got up and started to do things to stop me from focussing on my past regrets. Out of all this, I decided to write this 21 days sadness diet, as a way of helping me to cope and also to share my experiences with you.

Tips on coping with regret

1.  Let go of the past, and create a better future. When you do this, there is no longer room for regret, for it serves no active purpose.
2. Concentrate on now. Put your passion into a new relationship, a new skill or a new adventure.
3. Forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes, and move forward with a clear conscience.
4. Let Go of Negative Feelings and send negative feelings about your actions into the past, where the action occurred. They don’t do you any good now.
5. Focus on new accomplishments and connections so you can move forward, away from memories, which no longer serve you.
6. Find the Lessons – Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” When you make a mistake, there is ALWAYS something to learn. Learning equals growth. It is more difficult to feel loss when your focus is on gain, and on bettering yourself.

Activity – How Bury your regret

1. Get a piece of paper and write down all the things you regret and why you regret it.
2. Cross a line against each one as a way of reminding yourself , that it is the past, it is gone and there is nothing you can do to change it.
3. Forgive yourself, as sometimes we make choices which at the time seem to be good, but on later reflection we realise it was not a good choice.
4. Try and learn the lessons you gained from it
5. Now cut the paper up in small pieces
6. You then need to find a spot in an open space – lets say if you have a back garden, dig a whole and bury the small pieces, or if you have a shredder you can shred it, or safely you could burn the paper – it is a way of letting go
7. Now take a deep breath and focus on what you can do right now to change your situation – if you find you cannot cope with doing this, do ask for help or you can email me genny@confidentqueen.co.uk

How to make amends with others

If you regret something you have done to someone, then you should try and ask for forgiveness from that person and if they don’t accept your forgives, its ok as you have done your part and they may not be at a place yet where they can forgive you.

Some times it is difficult if the person has died but you can still. My dad died 29 years ago, and I really regret the fact that when I was younger he promised to buy me a white pair of shoes, and he never had the chance to. This affected me for years, but one day I remember waking up crying and saying “ Dad I love you, now you are gone I know you can’t buy me my shoes, but it’s ok now and I forgive you”

Credits and useful links :-

http://thinksimplenow.com/wisdom/how-to-deal-with-regret/

http://www.actionforhappiness.org/10-keys-to-happier-living/find-ways-to-bounce-back/details

Please feel free to email or comment on this blog, which I hope has helped you to cope with some of the regrets you may have. May the Smile be with you.